He Thought He Was Hearing Voices!!!

Dear Gentle Readers,

For many years I worked as a children's librarian. I really worry that the fine old art of reading a book to a wide-eyed child is fading away. Everywhere I go I see tiny children being babysat by a handheld gaming gizmo or tablet. They are usually blowing something or somebody up! Now, don't get me wrong. I think gizmos are great, but so is human contact. Imagine yourself tucking your child into bed and then snuggling up next to him while you read “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” in your most grinchy winchy voice. Now the child is laughing. You are enjoying each other, and how much did it cost you? Time. Just a little time to make a beautiful memory that will last a lifetime.

Since I was diagnosed with cancer, even though they say I'm now cured, I have come to value time and to value people so much more than before cancer. I watch my children. I take note of what very lovely young women they have become. Yes, I watch people instead of gizmos. If my husband, Walker, is chopping wood for the fireplace at our cottage in the woods, Fairy Ring, I watch him.... I think how truly beautiful his arms are still... His legs are so muscular from walking in the woods all day.... I smile to myself.... Cancer taught me that even if I live to be one hundred that is no time at all! Time is my gold.

But, you asked me to write something funny, so here goes.... When I was a librarian I discovered how much children love puppet shows. I bought all kinds of truly cool puppets and had my husband, Walker, build me a very simple puppet stage that was supposed to be a castle. That stage was made of plywood, but you can use a big old cardboard box. Anything. If children are given the chance to use their imaginations they will. If you tell them the cardboard box the new washing machine came out of is Cinderella's castle, they will be cool with that.

So, there is one thing that a good puppeteer must have, different kinds of voices. The  prince and the frog cannot sound alike. A frog has to sound froggy and a prince has to sound princey. You knew that. It's instinct!

When I first started doing puppetry, Walker had not been to one of my shows, so he really didn't know just how well I could change my voice. Believe me, I'm good! So one Saturday morning I woke up and Walker was still asleep next to me. I took off my socks and put them on by hands and started to practice my voices for “The Three Little Pigs”. I wasn't talking loud, but it woke poor Walker up. He had his back to me and before I knew what was happening he pole vaulted out of bed with his hair standing straight up, half blind because he had his contacts out and shrieked, “What was that???!!!”

I was just lying there with my socks on my hands, instead of my feet, and calmly answered, “That was just Stinky, Winky and Blinky.” He looked at me like all that he knew to be true had just fallen away. His very sane wife had lost her mind. He hesitated, and with a wild, bewildered look on his face like he was about to step out onto slippery, icy pavement he said, “Who the {bad word omitted} are Stinky, Winky and Blinky?” I calmly answered, “The Three Pigs. You know, they tricked the Big Bad Wolf into the boiling soup when he came down the chimney.”

He still looked pretty shook up as he stood there in his boxer shorts running his hand back and forth over the top of his head. He again ventured out onto thin ice and asked in a squeaky little voice, “Where are they? Are they under the covers, Baby?”

“No, you fool, they're in a fairy tale!”

“Then why did I hear them?”

“Because I'm practicing my voices to do a puppet show!” The look of relief that came over his face as he finally exhaled is indescribable. Everything that he knew and believed came back and he was laughing. “Suzan, I thought you had gone 'round the bend. You know your mother told me there is insanity on your Daddy's side of the family.”

“Oh, I know! She always says it's on Daddy's side....”

Come back to my blog for the best part of this story!!!! “Oink! Oink! Oink!”