Miley's booty- Part 2

Dear Gentle Readers,

So what was I to do? The answer came to me immediately. Get her out of this house! I just stood there holding the coffee pot while Michelle held Bébé up to her face, covered her with smoochy kisses and said “Oui! Oui! You are such a sweet Bébé!” Walker was sitting there staring at her and I imagine he was thinking, “I sure wish I was that Bébé!

I just put down the coffee pot, took Bébé from her arms and gave her the old “southern simpleton” look. That is a look of sheer and total innocence. It is a look of sweetness and blankness. It is the look that says “I haven't got a clue what you are up to” but honey, let me tell you, behind that look of idiocy on my face I was planning my battle tactics!

She knew she was feeling a breeze under that T-shirt! That (not so) little fanny flash at my husband was no accident! She just hadn't planned for me to see it, too. Ah ha! I knew she thought I didn't see what had happened. I said, “Michelle, Macon is lovely, but how would you like to see Washington D.C.?”

“Oh oui! I'd love to see Washington, but I have no way to get there.”

“I'll drive you.”

Walker said, “That's a thirteen hour drive............are you sure?”

I gave him a not-so-simpleton look, a look that said “If you don't shut up this very second you are going to have a pot of hot coffee up your nose.”

He shut up.

In the next six minutes I arranged to drive Michelle and Bébé to my sister's house in Manassas, Virginia, right outside of Washington, D.C. My sister is the most hospitable southern bell you will ever meet. At that time she had a husband and three young teenage sons. I just told her I was bringing a sweet young French girl to visit and would they take her around in Washington? She readily agreed. I left out the part about which town she came from in France (the one where girls where no pants!).

It was a long but immensely rewarding thirteen hour drive to Virginia. Along the way, I started wondering if I should have just dumped her in Atlanta, but no........that was too close to my husband!

When we arrived in Virginia, my sister, her husband and three sons were so excited to meet Michelle. The next day the boys took her on the Metro to Washington. When they got back the whole gang was sitting around the kitchen table. My sister asked Michelle, “What did you think of Washington?”

“It was beautiful! Oui!”

“Well, what do you think of Americans in general, I mean?”

“Oh! They are all fat and so unattractive.”

All of us at the table just looked at each other, flabbergasted by her response. And of course, each of us was thinking “of course she didn't mean me!”

Then my sister said, “You mean you have not seen one attractive person in America?”

“Oui, they are all either fat or ugly. I saw women, many women, in Washington that had stomachs shaped like the capital dome.” We all sucked in our guts.

After supper my sister pulled me aside and said, “Do you know anybody else that might let her visit them?”

“I have some friends in New York City...............” We high-fived each other. I called my New York friends and they arranged all her travel plans for a wonderful guided tour of the city. “Goodbye, please!”

Years later one of my nephews told Walker “You remember that French girl that came with Aunt Suzan to our house in Manassas?”

“How could I forget her?”

“That was the best present I ever got from Aunt Suzan. I was in middle school at the time. I remember Michelle didn't close the bathroom door all the way. She was standing at the sink, brushing her teeth, with no shirt on! I was laying in the bed in my room with a clear view down the hall, just watching her. It was the first truly enjoyable physics lesson I ever had. She was a vigorous brusher and when she would charge right with the toothbrush, the lovelies would swing hard to the left. Then she'd give an equal thrust to the left teeth and here they'd come, flying back to the right. She evidently believed in long, thorough brushes and it was enough to make me dizzy! I know there are those out there who might think it left me scarred for life, but actually, it made me quite hopeful for the future!”

And to tell you the truth, Michelle must have really impressed my nephew because he ended up marrying a girl that looks very, very much like her.

And me? After I packed Michelle off to New York City I put Bébé Laurel in the car seat, looked in the rear view mirror and said with the “southern simpleton” on my face, “Who me? I would never be inhospitable to a visitor!”

And the Bébé and I drove oui, oui, oui, all the way home.

Oh, and Miley Cyrus, let me give you a bit of advice that every good southern mother gives her daughter: You start being sexy when you stop trying to be!

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